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Top Ten Signs You Are No Longer a "Newly Illumined" Orthodox Christian

February, 2009

30. You don't think it unusual that there are 30 items in a top 10 list.

28. You are comfortable enough with mystery to not question where number 29 went.

27. You have food arranged in your freezer by the feasts and fasts.

26. Your coffee consumption exceeds that of the Presbyterians.

25. You enjoy the irony of having a great feast whereupon one fasts (Sept 14).


24. You can unconsciously count to 40 'Lord have mercies' without thinking.

23. You do not expect a swift conclusion to the service when the deacon starts the litany with "Let us complete our prayer to the Lord."

22. You wonder why folks are at the Krispy Kreme on a Sunday morning.

21. You think "Do Thou…." is positively wonderful sentence construction.

20. You have actually used "noetic" and "effulgent" in a normal conversation (or as a password on your computer).

19. You own at least one pair of industrial strength insoles.

18. You can add or subtract 13 days from almost any event without thinking.

17. You look at Christmas decorations and wonder how much better Santa would look with an omophorion.

16. You can tell the seasons of the year by looking at the color of the cloth on the analogion.

15. Holy Week and Bright Week have surpassed the Super Bowl as the major sporting event of the year.

14. You try to sing in choir and find that you can't turn the pages either.

13. You can buy a steak on Wednesday and not have any desire to cook it till Thursday.

12. You know how to make 40 different bean dishes that all taste good.

11. All your food includes either cabbage or dill or both.

10. You are not embarrassed to meet people you know in the liquor store.

9. You read poetry and wonder what tone it is in.

8. You no longer look past the first 4 ingredients when buying food during Lent.

7. You don't have to consult Hints from Heloise to know how to get wax out of fabrics.

6. You have worn out at least one chotki.

5. You have put a safety latch on your once loaded Bible.

4. You think that shrimp are vegan and notice that fish sticks have no backbone.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.

3. You have a desire to do everything in triplicate.

2. You realize that the heterodox do not have the market on swinging from the chandeliers.

And the number one sign that you are no longer newly illumined....

1. "March Madness" refers to an inexplicable desire for hummus.

Отсюда.
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